Addition of patience

My younger one is in the virtual school this year. For his classes he sits in the living room where my wife can keep an eye and help him if he needs something. We time our lunch during his afternoon school break so that the family can have lunch together. Today however I was occupied at work and by the time I went to eat, the break was over, and my son’s school had already started. I could hear my son’s teacher as they went on with their regular school schedule.

Having seen my elder one through those years and now seeing my younger one every day, I know teaching small kids is not easy. If you are lucky, they will sit and listen to everything you say. If you are not, they can ask complicated questions or relate something you are saying to something unrelated and take the conversation in a tangential direction. A classroom full of kids can be a different story altogether.

This is how some parts of the class conversation went –

(The teacher was teaching math addition and was explaining how numbers can be added to each other to get a bigger number)

Student 1: Teacher, I want to tell you something.

Teacher: Yes, sweetie; what is it?

Student 1: The grass in our lawn has been growing taller and taller. They are adding up like these numbers.

Teacher: Yes, that happens sweetie. Did you have any question on what we discussed?

 

Another kid raised his hand to catch the attention of the teacher.

Teacher: Yes Student 2. Do you need something honey?

Student 2: Teacher, I want to use the rest room.

Teacher: Sure honey, but please be quick. I don’t want you to miss the lesson

Student 2: But I am not going to pee. I am going for something else.

Teacher: ok, but please try to be quick.

Student 2: I cannot be quick. I will need some time.

Teacher: Sure honey…

 

Every now and then one of the kids would say something unrelated to the math class and the teacher had to sweet talk the kids focus back to the class. I wondered what I would have done if I was a kindergarten/elementary school teacher. Would I have run away the first day?

As I thought, I felt, maybe most of us are like that schoolteacher in some way. We too face incomprehensible questions and ridiculous requirements from our team members, managers and customers at work. Yet we always answer with courtesy and treat work situations with upmost dignity. 

As my thoughts flowed, it suddenly struck me; I realized there was a problem. We treat random people at work, on streets, in restaurants, in movie halls; whom we may never even see in our life again, with courtesy and patience; but forget to apply that same courtesy and patience to our own family members without whom there is little meaning to our lives. We often seem to take our family for granted. We patiently spend hours repeating the same answer to our customers and office colleagues but snap the minute a family member repeats the question.

It took a while for me to finish the last few spoons. I was shaken, but I knew it was time for me to learn from this addition lesson and add a few things to my life. I have to put an effort to bring all that courtesy and patience I use in my work life, to home. The methodology is all there, and time tested. If my kids ask the same question repeatedly, I need to answer them as how I would answer an office colleague or a customer who is asking the same question repeatedly. Such an easy thing; yet it needed me to listen through an elementary math class to put it together.

~Narendra V Joshi

A Teacher I Never Knew

 
It has been a year since the virus first struck;
Grasping its victims within its viscous muck.
Hope now has rekindled, yet the journey is hard;
For the pandemic has left us permanently scarred.
 
Glimmers of light amidst the scars have shown;
The virus is a teacher the world had never known.
Blossoming simplicity and kindness in the people’s hearts.
Bringing families together by fits and starts.
 
It was never for the virus to help humans from falling as a divided kind.
For it was our ego that has clouded our intelligent mind.
Yet as we stand holding onto to an unlikely helping hand;
It’s ours alone to act as per the righteous demand.

 

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The announcement of vaccine raises hope about end of the Covid pandemic. Midst the havoc the Covid virus has brought, I think the lockdowns in a way has helped bring out the best in us. The virus has brought out kindness and shown us the path to a simple living. Above all, the virus has helped connect families and communities, and has thought us to share and care for each other. In some sense, the virus turned out to be a teacher I never knew.

 

~Narendra V Joshi

The Experience of Life

I would look up at the heavens to bless me with a life;
Laden with none of exhilaration or strife.
Filled only with stillness and serene and calm;
Resisting even an occasional qualm.

At first I liked that steady calm;

Thanking heavens for bestowing the wishes warm.
Happiness yet was nowhere to be found;
For life felt empty, in spite of calmness abound.

I no more look at the heavens to bless me a choice;

Cause the experience of life does not have a single voice.
Accept and live through every happiness and strife;
Only this can help realize the true meaning of life. 

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I used to wish for a life which is kind of still, with no major ups and down. Then I realized what I was wishing was to be a rock because there is no meaning for a still life. To experience life fully, I have to experience and live through every facet that comes with it and not restrict myself to any one phase alone.

~Narendra V Joshi

Words of encouragement

My kids watched an animation movie of a monster in the closet. After the movie, my elder one looked okay but my 5-year-old seemed a little jittery to go to his room. He came to me asked if I could put his blanket and be with him till he sleeps. He wanted me to tell him a story and put him to sleep.

I followed him to his room. He got into his bed and I helped him pull his blanket. I slept next to him and started patting his forehead to put him to sleep. Every few moments, he would open his eyes look at me and stare at the closet. Finally, he asked if I could close the closet door. I closed the closet door and slept next to him again patting his head. He seemed a little relaxed after I had closed the closet door.

I felt I should give him some words of encouragement for him to overcome his fear. 

Me: You know, there are no monsters. It’s all only in the movies. There are no monsters and ghosts in real life.

My son opened his eyes and looked at me. I asked him to close his eyes and sleep continuing to pat his head.

Me: You remember that superhero movie we watched? Have you seen any superhero flying outside? No right? Same way. There are no ghosts or monsters or superheroes. It’s all only in the movies.

My son: Yes, I know

This was encouraging. He opened his eyes again and looked at me.

Me: You are a brave kid. Look at yourself. You are only 5 but you sleep alone. If there is really such thing as a monster, you can fight it all by yourself.

My son: Can I really do that? (Now he was excited)

Me: Sure you can. Who will protect your sister and mama and papa if a monster really comes?

My son: So I can fight like a superhero?

I nodded my head.

My son: But I don’t have a wand nor can I fly.

Me: You are brave and you don’t need a wand nor you need to fly to fight the monster.

His eyes were now wide open and there was a new found courage showing on his face. I felt proud having instilled courage and confidence in my son.

My son: Papa, are you scared to sleep alone?

Me: No I am not. I am the papa of the bravest boy. Why will I be scared?

My son: Then why do you always sleep next to mama?

I went blank.  All my thoughts of courage fell flat. I looked at his face and he was waiting for me to answer but no answer came up in my head.

My son: Or is it, you sleep next to mama because mama is scared?

I was tempted to say “Yes” (actually SHOUT Yes) but stopped myself. I did not want to lie to him. And even if I did lie now, just to answer his question he will figure it out when he asks his mama tomorrow, and she denies. I didn’t want to set a bad example to him that his papa lies.

I was in a dilemma. I was thinking what to answer.

My son: Papa; is mama scared? Is that why she sleeps next to you?

Me: Ah.. Err… (I had no answer. I had to change the topic and FAST)

Me: Sleep now please. It is late. You want to come walking with me tomorrow evening right? You have to sleep now, else you will be all tired and you will not be able to walk.

I was pretty much silent from that point on. No more encouraging thoughts or words popped in my head. I continued patting him until he fell asleep. Knowing him, I am sure he will ask me this same question tomorrow or some other time until he gets an answer.

I had walked into my sons’ room to allay his worries and fill him with confidence. I walked out of his room a worried man.

~Narendra V Joshi

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A Privilege to cherish and protect

The earth was polluted and the future looked bleak;

The humans yet trotted, with an unwavering streak.

Governments and leaders searched for answers in vain;

To get the earth back on to its righteous lane.

The lock down opened up to an unproven trail;

For nature to seize and chaperon on its rail.

The earth was momentarily rid of its pollutant wrath;

But questions endured of its viable path. 

Viable or not, the lock down demands a retrospect;

For this is our chance to mend and protect.

The Earth is a privilege and not a birthright;

And it’s our duty to respect and nurture it right.

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I read an article which talked about how the lock-downs in major cities across the globe to prevent the spread of COVID-19 virus, is actually helping bring down the pollution levels. This certainly is a good side effect but maybe only temporary; until restrictions are lifted and things get back to normal. I think we should learn from this crisis to mend and develop ways to protect the nature. We need to understand that earth is not our birthright but a privilege granted to us. 


~Narendra V Joshi

Parenting under surveillance

I was teaching math addition to my 4 year old the other day. I gave him 2 cookies and asked –

Me – "I had given you 1 cookie yesterday and I gave you 2 cookies today. How many cookies do you have?"

My son – 2 cookies.

Then I tried the same using pencils. I gave him 1 pencil and then gave 2 more. He counted 3. I tried it with crayons and he counted 3. Then I got back to my question on cookies.

Me – I gave you 1 cookie yesterday and 2 today. How many do you have?

My son – 2 cookies.

I put up 3 fingers saying each finger is a cookie and asked him to count. He counted 3 and said “But I have only 2 cookies papa”. I asked him how. He said – “I already eat the cookie you gave me yesterday”. He paused for a few mins and added “remember you said think”.

I was trying to teach him math and he thought me logic.

I was speechless but have now learnt to expect such answers from my kids. They sometimes amaze me into thinking how do they even come up with some of the answers they give or some of the questions they ask.

I had to drop my daughter for a class this morning and my son too accompanied us in the car. While coming back home, my son sat in the rear car seat diagonally opposite to me. He had got his steering wheel toy with him which is a steering wheel and a gear shift that makes different sounds when moved. My son was watching me drive and was steering his toy wheel in the same way as I was doing. He said “papa, I want to drive a car like you when I grow up”. I was almost about to tell him that maybe there will be no cars with a steering wheel by the time he grows up, but stopped myself.

It then occurred to me. Maybe my kids are not learning much by listening to me. Maybe my kids are learning more by watching me; Or rather by observing me. As I thought about this I realized they have been giving me subtle hints all these years but I never realized this until now. Every time they said “I want to be like you when I grow up”, “I want to work on computer like papa”, “I want to drive a car like papa”, … this is what they were doing. They have been observing me and learning from me. I am their role model.

The very thought that my kids may be feeding off of my actions and inculcating them makes me shudder. This is like I am under constant observation; a whole new kind of surveillance. A surveillance where my kids are silently watching me, making sense of my actions and absorbing it to tune their life. It brings in a whole new sense of responsibility in me. I need to ensure I am always putting the best of me in front of my kids.

As I think about this more, I feel maybe this is not bad after all. They may be helping me in way. If I go through this surveillance putting out the best of me now, I don’t have to do a surveillance on my kids when they come of age. I can be assured that what my kids will do is what I would have done in the same situation.

~Narendra V Joshi

A constricted mind

My son came back home from his preschool the other day and asked me “Papa, what do you want to be when you grow up?” I was almost about to say something but stopped. I sat back and repeated his question to myself – What do I want to be when I grow up? This was the first time in over 20 years someone had asked me this question. I did not want to just say anything. I really wanted to think and answer his question.

So what do I want to be when I grow up? I remember when I was a kid I wanted to join the navy. I have always liked sitting at the beach and listen to the sound of the waves. As a kid the very thought that if I was in Navy, I can be on a ship sailing on the seas excited me. But can I join the navy when I grow up, I questioned myself. Maybe the navy will have age, height, weight etc restrictions. Maybe Navy may not be a choice for me anymore. Can I become a musician? I like music. I have interest in learning to play musical instruments. But playing musical instruments requires lot of practice. I will be a failure if I choose the path of a musician. Maybe I can be a doctor. I can travel to remote areas and help people. I can be of some use to the people around me. But doctors have to study a lot. I have to get back to school and learn for the next several years before I can become a doctor. This might not be something for me.

I was thinking about what I can become when I grow up for several moments. I thought of every dream I had as I grew and scratched everything off for different reasons. Doctor, chartered accountant, musician, pilot, I had reasons why I cannot grow up to be anyone from any of those dreams.

My son shook me slightly and asked again – “Papa, what do you want to be when you grow up?”

There has to be something I can be when I grow up. I gave a deep thought and finally said “Teacher, I want to be a teacher when I grow up”, which brought a big smile on my sons face. I was happy there was something I can be when I grow up.

My son turned to leave and I asked him what he wanted to be when he grows up. He answered my question almost immediately. He said he wanted to be a doctor when he is as big as his sister, build roller coasters when he is as big as his cousin brother, a firefighter when he is as big as his mother, work on computer when he is as big as me, a dentist when is as big as his grandmother and a superhero with a large cape when is as big as his grandfather.

His answer dumbfounded me. What did just happen? My preschool son has so much clarity and ideas on what he wants to be when he grows up. While all my education and my degrees had only helped me to come up with reasons why I cannot become something when I grow up. Is this what education is supposed to do? The human mind is boundless and of immense possibilities. Education is supposed to be the tool which gives sense and broadens those possibilities. Unfortunately I was using my education to only bind my mind and constrict its possibilities.

I sat back to think. I decided I have to reconsider what I wanted to be when I grow up. But before that, maybe first I should empty my mind and get it back to its original state of immense possibilities. Then I should think what I want to be when I grow up. 

~Narendra V Joshi