What comes with Age

My wife was putting our daughter Akshara to sleep the other day, when Akshara told us she did not like being a kid. She wanted to become a big girl. That way mama and papa will allow her to watch her princess cartoons for long. She could play in the playground with her friends all day and doesn’t have to worry about homework.

I took some of the words Akshara used, to put this poem together. The first 2 paras are what she told me and the last 2 are what I wanted to tell her.

You are big, you are strong;
If I am like you, nothing can go wrong.
I can eat, I can sleep, I can play at my will;
With mama cool, I can relax and chill. 

I can jump on the bed or dance for a song;
I can watch my cartoons all day long.
I will have no homework, no assignments to think upon;
Just friends and playground, in a minute I am gone.

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The life of a parent is the hardest it can be;
Balancing every minute is the only secret key.
Cartoons and princess stories are the only channels we can see;
Juggling diapers and homework, we just one busy bee. 

We worry about our careers and taxes and fees;
And of diabetes and cholesterol and those million allergies.
None of these worries were with us when we were born;
The age picked them on way, for us to carry along. 

~Narendra V Joshi  

Free advice

I was at the cafeteria table eating my lunch. It was a four chair table and I was the only person occupying it. My pollen allergy had worsened. My eyes were watery and had turned red. I was constantly wiping my eyes as I eat my food.

I was probably eating my fourth or fifth spoon when a gentleman tapped on my table. He showed the empty chair opposite to me with a questioning “May I?” look. I asked him to go ahead and he settled into the chair. I continued eating my food without a word. He started eating his food looking at me every once in a while as if trying to strike a conversation.

After a few minutes, he asked ‘allergies?’ I said ‘yeah.. bad one’.

Gentleman – It has been one of the worst allergy season this time.

Me – Yes I think

Gentleman – Did you take any medication? You can pick some good ones over the counter too.

Me – Yes I did. I have taken medication.

Gentleman – Which one did you take?

I told him the name of the medicine I had taken. He said the one I had taken was not effective and I should try a different one. He gave me some names and said some cause drowsiness while some are good for day time.

Gentleman – Hey, Sorry I did not introduce myself. My name is …..

He said his name but I didn’t catch any part of it. Maybe it was my allergies; my head was kind of heavy and stuffed and I couldn’t think properly. I smiled and gave him my name.

Gentleman – I am just curious.. Are you a vegetarian?

Me – Yes

Gentleman – do you at least eat eggs?

Me – No, I do not.

Gentleman – if you do not eat meat or eggs how do you get your proteins?

Me (smiling) – I buy it online. My card gives me a 5% cash back on that.  

He laughed at my answer. I meant it funny, but still felt sorry for what I had said and thought of apologizing to him. I was still thinking, when – 

Gentleman – Do you know, many people do not consider milk as vegetarian? If milk is vegetarian, then eggs are vegetarian too.

Me – ok.

Gentleman – Let me tell you something funny. Do you eat eggplant? Brinjal? Raw Brinjal tastes like fish.

I didn’t know what to say. He then told me of many different vegetables which either look like or feel like or taste like Chicken or fish or other meats. I had told him I am a vegetarian, yet he was telling me all this. I don’t know what joy he was deriving out of telling me about vegetables which look or taste like meat. All my thoughts of apologizing to him evaporated. How can somebody be so insensitive?

Soon I finished my lunch while he continued to talk. I packed my stuff and got ready to leave.

Me – You seem to know a lot of things.

Gentleman – Yes. When you start eating different foods, you will compare and you will know too.

Me – You should start a consulting firm.

Gentleman – Me? Why?

Me (smiling) – You should charge people instead of giving free advice. You might make money.

He just stared at me. I got up, said good bye to him smiling and walked away.

 

~Narendra V Joshi

The snow blanket

We had about 6 to 10 inches of snow in our city last night. The snow had covered everything and it was a beautiful sight this morning. The temperature remained mostly below freezing throughout the day giving no chance for the snow to melt. People played in the snow the whole day. What looked like a fine blanket in the morning now looks like a heap of dirt. 

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It looked like a blanket with tangled weaves,

The barren trees now filled with white flowers and leaves.

The snow had covered everything in sight,

Except for the sky and the sun shining bright. 

The blanket stayed even as the day grew,

People flocked to capture the mesmerizing view.

The mounds and the snowman soon dotted the trampled path,

As the kids hurled snowballs with blissful wrath. 

Only the remains of the blanket showed as the dusk set,

The broken snowman was now left to forget.

What was left of the blanket was still bright and white,

But pickled and trotted under the peoples might.

 

~Narendra V Joshi

Merry Christmas

The cycle of life

Our son Anish is now 5 months old. He recently started to roll on his stomach and pushes himself around a little bit. From the days of even barely opening his eyes, he now winks and smiles when we talk to him.

The last few years seem to have gone really fast. Akshara is already 5 years old. Very soon there will be a time when my kids will venture out of my shadow to build their own destiny. When I think of all this, my father comes to my mind. He would have gone thru all this and now it’s my turn.

This is for my son Anish!

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He arrived as our second bundle of joy,   

That merry face made him an instant wonder boy.
With clinched fists and deep shut eyes,     
He looked like me in a smaller guise.

The arrival created quite a flurry,

Spinning our lives and filling it with merry.
Those joyous moments as we anticipate his moves,
A wink, a smile, for any growing up cues.                    

There soon will be a time when the kids move from my guise,                                        
To take on the world with their own grit, charm and wise.
I will step on the side walk, support and guide their way,
Like my father did, when I started my day.

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~Narendra V Joshi

The Big head Small heart Syndrome

I pondered all evening to reason an incident that happened earlier today. I didn’t come up with anything fancy but what I want to call it should say a lot. I call it the ‘The Big head Small heart’ syndrome.

My daughter Akshara had been asking me all week to take her to the children’s play area in our apartment. I couldn't take her on a weekday and finally took her today. As we neared the play area I saw 2 kids playing there. Their father stood close by watching them. Akshara saw the kids and asked me if she could play with them. I asked her if she knew them and she said no. She anyway did not wait for my answer and ran off to play. One of the kid looked the same age as Akshara and the other one looked younger. She went to the 2 kids and it looked like they first introduced themselves and then started to play. They played the swing and the slides and ran behind each other.  They seemed to have good time. After about 10-15 mins, another father came with his kid to the play area. That kid too quickly joined the other 3 to play. I and the 2 other fathers stood at a distance and watched them play. Once in a while one of us would call our kid and ask them to be careful. Otherwise we 3 fathers did nothing but stand or look at our smartphones.

We were there for about an hour when it started to grow dark. I called Akshara back. The other fathers too called their kids and soon Akshara and I were back home. Once home, my wife asked Akshara if she had a good time. Akshara explained how much she liked to play the slides and also about her 3 new friends. My wife asked me if I had spoken to their fathers and if I knew them, and I said ‘no’.

Later in the evening, I thought about my wife’s question and realized all I had done was stand in the play area for about an hour and do nothing. I had not spoken a word to that other 2 fathers. It was not just me, I did not see the other 2 fathers talk to each other either. So effectively, we 3 fathers had spent an hour each doing nothing while our kids had introduced themselves and had a good time playing.

‘What is wrong with me’?

Agreed, it did not occur to me to introduce myself to the other 2 fathers and talk to them, but at least couldn’t I see and learn from my daughter? If a 5 year old kid could talk, make friends and have a good time, couldn’t I at least follow her lead? Do I now have to learn, to learn from my daughter?

If this is any consolation, with me there were these 2 other fathers who did nothing too. They did not initiate a talk themselves nor did they follow their kids lead.

I see 2 patterns here. The kids followed one pattern while we adults followed another. The kids spoke to each other, played together and had a good time even though they had met as complete strangers. We adults stood there either doing nothing or browsing our smartphones, without even trying once to talk to each other. I remember, I used to be like Akshara when I was young. I used to make friends and play. Something changed as I grew.

Think about this –

We pull out our smartphones the moment we enter an elevator full of people. We play games on our tablets as we wait at a crowed airport or a railway station. It’s not the smartphone or the tablets to be blamed. It’s just that we change as we grow. Our heads become bigger and our hearts become small. Making new friends or talking to people become difficult. This is what I call the “Big Head Small Heart” syndrome.

~Narendra V Joshi

Full Grown Idiot

I was at the shopping mall this afternoon looking for something. My wife was on phone explaining the details of what I had to buy. As I searched the shop, I noticed this person who seemed to be overhearing our conversation. Trying not to judge from the looks, I walked to a different aisle only to find this person follow me there.

I closed the call and continued to search, all the while trying to ignore this person. Once he sensed I was off the phone, he came to me and said –

Stranger – Hey, I overhead your conversation. Are you from Bangalore?

Me – Yes I am.

Stranger – I am from Bangalore too.

We then introduced ourselves, spoke of where we grew, our schooling, work place etc. We had a long conversation. Though I spoke to him answering his questions and asking him questions, there was something about him that was bothering me. Rather irritating me. I think it was his initial eavesdropping which had put me off, but I was not sure.

Stranger – So how do you spend time here on the weekends?

Me – I just moved to this city. Everything is new and am still getting used to things around here.

Stranger – You can go to movies. There are some new Indian movies playing at theaters here. They sometimes play Kannada movies too.

Me – Is it… Ok.

Without me asking for it, he took a paper napkin and wrote some theater names which were playing Indian movies. He also wrote his email and phone number on the paper napkin and handed it over to me.

Me – I don’t go to movies often, but thank you! Actually it has been many months since I have been to a movie.

Stranger – What? You don’t watch even Kannada movies? How can you even say you are a Bangalorean if you don’t watch Kannada movies? (He started laughing).

His question was too much for me to take. I looked at him almost wanting to ask him if he was an idiot. What has watching or not watching movies got to do with a city.  Also I have lived and worked in 7 different cities. If I have to watch the regional movies of all different cities I have lived, then I have to quit working and just watch movies.

Me (with a smile) – You have to be a full grown Idiot to say I am not a Bangalorean if I don’t watch Kannada movies.

He smiled at me but didn’t say anything. Suddenly I realized what I had done. I had called him a full grown idiot, whatever it is supposed to mean. I had never heard anybody say that before, and I had actually rubbed that in my answer.

I bid him goodbye and walked out of the store. Even after I had walked some distance, I was still thinking about his question. I couldn’t tell what was it about him that had irritated me but his last question had sealed my thinking. I took the paper napkin he had given and without even wanting to see what he had written, I tossed the full grown idiot down a trash can.

~Narendra V Joshi