Merry Christmas

The cycle of life

Our son Anish is now 5 months old. He recently started to roll on his stomach and pushes himself around a little bit. From the days of even barely opening his eyes, he now winks and smiles when we talk to him.

The last few years seem to have gone really fast. Akshara is already 5 years old. Very soon there will be a time when my kids will venture out of my shadow to build their own destiny. When I think of all this, my father comes to my mind. He would have gone thru all this and now it’s my turn.

This is for my son Anish!

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He arrived as our second bundle of joy,   

That merry face made him an instant wonder boy.
With clinched fists and deep shut eyes,     
He looked like me in a smaller guise.

The arrival created quite a flurry,

Spinning our lives and filling it with merry.
Those joyous moments as we anticipate his moves,
A wink, a smile, for any growing up cues.                    

There soon will be a time when the kids move from my guise,                                        
To take on the world with their own grit, charm and wise.
I will step on the side walk, support and guide their way,
Like my father did, when I started my day.

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~Narendra V Joshi

The Big head Small heart Syndrome

I pondered all evening to reason an incident that happened earlier today. I didn’t come up with anything fancy but what I want to call it should say a lot. I call it the ‘The Big head Small heart’ syndrome.

My daughter Akshara had been asking me all week to take her to the children’s play area in our apartment. I couldn't take her on a weekday and finally took her today. As we neared the play area I saw 2 kids playing there. Their father stood close by watching them. Akshara saw the kids and asked me if she could play with them. I asked her if she knew them and she said no. She anyway did not wait for my answer and ran off to play. One of the kid looked the same age as Akshara and the other one looked younger. She went to the 2 kids and it looked like they first introduced themselves and then started to play. They played the swing and the slides and ran behind each other.  They seemed to have good time. After about 10-15 mins, another father came with his kid to the play area. That kid too quickly joined the other 3 to play. I and the 2 other fathers stood at a distance and watched them play. Once in a while one of us would call our kid and ask them to be careful. Otherwise we 3 fathers did nothing but stand or look at our smartphones.

We were there for about an hour when it started to grow dark. I called Akshara back. The other fathers too called their kids and soon Akshara and I were back home. Once home, my wife asked Akshara if she had a good time. Akshara explained how much she liked to play the slides and also about her 3 new friends. My wife asked me if I had spoken to their fathers and if I knew them, and I said ‘no’.

Later in the evening, I thought about my wife’s question and realized all I had done was stand in the play area for about an hour and do nothing. I had not spoken a word to that other 2 fathers. It was not just me, I did not see the other 2 fathers talk to each other either. So effectively, we 3 fathers had spent an hour each doing nothing while our kids had introduced themselves and had a good time playing.

‘What is wrong with me’?

Agreed, it did not occur to me to introduce myself to the other 2 fathers and talk to them, but at least couldn’t I see and learn from my daughter? If a 5 year old kid could talk, make friends and have a good time, couldn’t I at least follow her lead? Do I now have to learn, to learn from my daughter?

If this is any consolation, with me there were these 2 other fathers who did nothing too. They did not initiate a talk themselves nor did they follow their kids lead.

I see 2 patterns here. The kids followed one pattern while we adults followed another. The kids spoke to each other, played together and had a good time even though they had met as complete strangers. We adults stood there either doing nothing or browsing our smartphones, without even trying once to talk to each other. I remember, I used to be like Akshara when I was young. I used to make friends and play. Something changed as I grew.

Think about this –

We pull out our smartphones the moment we enter an elevator full of people. We play games on our tablets as we wait at a crowed airport or a railway station. It’s not the smartphone or the tablets to be blamed. It’s just that we change as we grow. Our heads become bigger and our hearts become small. Making new friends or talking to people become difficult. This is what I call the “Big Head Small Heart” syndrome.

~Narendra V Joshi

Full Grown Idiot

I was at the shopping mall this afternoon looking for something. My wife was on phone explaining the details of what I had to buy. As I searched the shop, I noticed this person who seemed to be overhearing our conversation. Trying not to judge from the looks, I walked to a different aisle only to find this person follow me there.

I closed the call and continued to search, all the while trying to ignore this person. Once he sensed I was off the phone, he came to me and said –

Stranger – Hey, I overhead your conversation. Are you from Bangalore?

Me – Yes I am.

Stranger – I am from Bangalore too.

We then introduced ourselves, spoke of where we grew, our schooling, work place etc. We had a long conversation. Though I spoke to him answering his questions and asking him questions, there was something about him that was bothering me. Rather irritating me. I think it was his initial eavesdropping which had put me off, but I was not sure.

Stranger – So how do you spend time here on the weekends?

Me – I just moved to this city. Everything is new and am still getting used to things around here.

Stranger – You can go to movies. There are some new Indian movies playing at theaters here. They sometimes play Kannada movies too.

Me – Is it… Ok.

Without me asking for it, he took a paper napkin and wrote some theater names which were playing Indian movies. He also wrote his email and phone number on the paper napkin and handed it over to me.

Me – I don’t go to movies often, but thank you! Actually it has been many months since I have been to a movie.

Stranger – What? You don’t watch even Kannada movies? How can you even say you are a Bangalorean if you don’t watch Kannada movies? (He started laughing).

His question was too much for me to take. I looked at him almost wanting to ask him if he was an idiot. What has watching or not watching movies got to do with a city.  Also I have lived and worked in 7 different cities. If I have to watch the regional movies of all different cities I have lived, then I have to quit working and just watch movies.

Me (with a smile) – You have to be a full grown Idiot to say I am not a Bangalorean if I don’t watch Kannada movies.

He smiled at me but didn’t say anything. Suddenly I realized what I had done. I had called him a full grown idiot, whatever it is supposed to mean. I had never heard anybody say that before, and I had actually rubbed that in my answer.

I bid him goodbye and walked out of the store. Even after I had walked some distance, I was still thinking about his question. I couldn’t tell what was it about him that had irritated me but his last question had sealed my thinking. I took the paper napkin he had given and without even wanting to see what he had written, I tossed the full grown idiot down a trash can.

~Narendra V Joshi

The elusive destiny

We welcomed a new member into our family this week. It’s a baby boy! More than anybody, our daughter Akshara seems super excited! She has already chosen a name, a place at the dinner table, the color of the bike and a whole lot of things for her little brother.

My wife and I had together come up with a list of to-do things once the baby is born, starting with choosing a name. I went through that list today and half scratched one of the “good to have” items from the list - identify the Nakshatra (star) and Rashi (zodiac) and have the horoscope done. I “half” scratched this item because we might still get the horoscope done but what we don’t have to do is to find the Nakshatra and Rashi.

Before going further, let me elaborate on the horoscope part a bit; of course to the best of my limited knowledge. Nakshatra, Rashi, horoscope etc have been big for the Hindus since thousands of years. At the base, these are pure mathematical calculations involving time of birth, the position of the stars and planets at that time among other things. When correctly calculated it can uniquely identify a person, his/her ancestry etc. They are used to ‘predict’ a person’s future by deriving the effects of the different stars and planets based on the person’s birth star/planet. They also help arrive at a ‘compatibility’ number between would-be spouses. People who believe in horoscopes have their own reasons to do so, as do the people who do not believe. For my part I don’t understand much of this to believe or not believe and so I go by what my parents say.

If it’s all mathematical calculations what is there not be believe, you might ask. The answer is in the question. It’s MATHEMATICS (read this as complicated!) One incorrect input or one calculation error or one simple mistake in the formula is enough to arrive at a completely inaccurate result (horoscope). An inaccurate horoscope might sometimes mean taking a tree or a donkey as the first husband/wife before marrying a person! For someone who wears stones, an inaccurate horoscope would mean buying an expensive diamond over an inexpensive stone. You have a good number of people who believe and the believers list includes some of the best known sports stars, film stars, politicians among others.

Getting back to where I left, you might think I ‘half’ scratched the task of identifying the Nakshatra and Rashi because I don’t believe in horoscopes. But as I said earlier, I don’t understand much of this to believe or not believe and I got by what my parents say; and my parents believe in horoscopes. (Feel free to blame my poor mathematics skills!) The reason I half scratched this item is because we don’t have to look at the Nakshatra and Rashi when my son was born as we (meaning my parents and elders in the family) had consulted and decided on the date and time for the child birth. My wife had to undergo a caesarean section and the doctors had asked us to pick a date and time among the ones they had identified. So the birth time, birth date, Nakshatra and Rashi were predetermined and were no more left to luck.

I was thinking about this and could not stop wondering how advancements in medicine have yielded such unrelated yet effective results. It means you no more have to worry about the birth date, birth time, Nakshatra etc. All these horoscope inputs are now completely in your control. You now have a choice to choose the best inputs for your horoscope.

Wait a minute. Did I say ‘best inputs’? Oh, so mathematics is still there. This means a wrong calculation using the best inputs might still mean that first marriage with a tree or a donkey.

Oh man…

~Narendra V Joshi

Compliments with Complaints

I was recently at this transit airport waiting for my connecting flight. The flight had been delayed by over 2 hours. I waited at the lounge for an updated announcement. Next to me on my seating aisle were 2 gentlemen who I believe were waiting for the same flight as I was.

I had been traveling almost the entire day and was bored of sitting in the flights and airports. Wanting to start a conversation, I looked at the gentleman (GM 1) seated next to me and said –

Me – This is turning into a long day…

GM 1- yeah... And you know what, I have been traveling since morning

Me – ah… Same here. I started at 3 in the morning

GM 1 – oh... Sorry to hear that

I noticed that the other gentleman (GM 2) was looking at us almost trying to say something.

GM 1- Where are you traveling from?

Me – Bangalore

GM 1 – Bangalore? India?

Me – Yes

Suddenly the other gentleman pitched in…

GM 2 – You watch soccer? The soccer world cup. You call that football right?

I don’t know how he mixed soccer and Bangalore. I can make sense if it was cricket. But this is football, and football is not as famous as cricket in India. Also India is not playing in the football world cup. Maybe he too was bored and wanted to join the conversation, and he grabbed the first opportunity.

It was a good conversation from then on. We discussed about football world cup at length. The teams we supported, previous world cups, players etc. The conversation at some point shifted to cars and then into petrol and diesel cars.  Somewhere one of us brought in movies which were themed on cars and racing, and soon we were talking about movies. I think we had been talking for almost 20-30 mins.

We were on a momentary thinking pause, when an elderly gentleman (EG) sitting diagonally opposite to me, looked at me and said –

EG – Hey. You know... You talk a lot.

I was stunned. Suddenly my brain felt empty and there were no words down my throat. It took me a few moments to gather myself. We were talking in a low voice, there was nothing unethical in our talk, and so I saw no reason why he had said that.

EG – oh oh… I apologize. Please don’t take me wrong. I am really sorry.

Me – ok

EG – Actually what I meant was you spoke about a lot of things. You seem to know a lot of things.

Wow! What was that? Was that an appreciation or some kind of cover up? But it actually felt good. He then looked at the 3 of us and continued –

EG (with a big smile) – You all do. You all know a lot of things and I really liked the conversation.

I looked at the faces of the other two. They seemed equally stunned, and neither said a word. It was complete silence from then on. I didn’t open my mouth nor did the other two guys. Soon there was an announcement for boarding our flight. I gave a smile to the 3 gentlemen and walked towards the boarding area. Not a word was spoken.

It has been almost 2 weeks since that happened. I am still unable to make meaning of what had happened that day. Was that a complaint or a compliment? Either way it has left me thoughtful. These days every time I talk to somebody I subconsciously ask myself if I am talking to the point or if I have crossed it.

Compliments can make you feel good. Complaints can make you feel bad. But what about Compliments which start with a Complaint? Hmm... I am getting there.

~Narendra V Joshi

What’s in a name?

We recently welcomed a new member into our family. It was a baby boy for my brother and sister-in-law. Once we settled after a day or two of wishes and sweets, it was time for us to decide a name for the baby. Meaning - time for cutie pie, sonu, gundu etc to be replaced by a proper name.

The entire family sat down to choose a name. My mother set a simple rule -   

Rule No 1 - The name should be short and easy to call.

We all suggested different names but none flew by everybody. I suggested a short name Anu for which I was asked the meaning. Neither me nor anybody else were aware of its meaning. This lead to the 2nd rule.

Rule No 2 - The name should be meaningful and should mean something good.

It can mean Sun or ocean or can be one of Lord Krishna's name, but it should be meaningful and easy to call. We all suggested different meaningful names - Anirudh, Rahul, Arun, Arnav, Kanha etc. Almost every name suggested was put down as there was always some related member in the immediate family or the extended family who had the same name. Now we had the 3rd rule.

Rule No 3 - There should be nobody in the known family circle who had the same or a close name.

This means we had to filter all names from my father’s side, my mother’s side, SIL’s side, my wife’s side etc. This was a big exclusion list. There was always somebody either in the immediate family or on my mother’s side or SIL's side or my wife's side for every name we thought of. After a lot thinking and filtering we finally agreed on a name which was short, had a meaning and there was nobody in the family with the same name. We were almost ready to finalize that name when my mother said that a villain in one of her TV serial has the same name. Though nobody had an objection, it was still too much for us to name the kid after a TV serial villain!! That led us to the fourth rule.

Rule No 4 - The name should not be of any villain in any of the mythological stories or TV serials.

As I sat thinking for a name, I felt we had put a lot of rules which was making things complicated. I agree with some of the rules. A short and meaningful name is fine. I have a long first name and have found people from other countries having difficulty spelling it. I once had a colleague in a different country who could not spell my first name. So I had asked him to call me by my last name and he had called me "Hoshi". I corrected him but later found that ‘J’ is actually spelt as ‘H’ in some places. So Joshi is spelt as Hoshi. I was ok as even I have found myself in situations where I could not spell things correctly. For example, I had once asked for Vegetable Lasagna, spelling Lasagna in the exact same way it is written. I realized much later that Lasagna is actually spelt as ‘La zanne’.

The first 3 rules were fine but I felt rule no 4 was an overkill and suggested to drop it. Not everybody in the house watches TV serials and there will always be in a villain in some serial which nobody watches. Also, anyway we were not going to choose a name such as “Ravana” or “Gabbar Singh”. So it was best to relax rule no 4 and everybody agreed to it.

After long hours of discussion, filtering and deliberation, we have now chosen a name which passes most of the filter criteria’s. It is not short but is meaningful and easy to call. Any further discussion to change that name should happen now as the date for the naming ceremony is fast approaching.

If you still have the question “What’s in a name?”, then please think again. Because the world is in a name.

~Narendra V Joshi