The Experience of Life

I would look up at the heavens to bless me with a life;
Laden with none of exhilaration or strife.
Filled only with stillness and serene and calm;
Resisting even an occasional qualm.

At first I liked that steady calm;

Thanking heavens for bestowing the wishes warm.
Happiness yet was nowhere to be found;
For life felt empty, in spite of calmness abound.

I no more look at the heavens to bless me a choice;

Cause the experience of life does not have a single voice.
Accept and live through every happiness and strife;
Only this can help realize the true meaning of life. 

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I used to wish for a life which is kind of still, with no major ups and down. Then I realized what I was wishing was to be a rock because there is no meaning for a still life. To experience life fully, I have to experience and live through every facet that comes with it and not restrict myself to any one phase alone.

~Narendra V Joshi

Words of encouragement

My kids watched an animation movie of a monster in the closet. After the movie, my elder one looked okay but my 5-year-old seemed a little jittery to go to his room. He came to me asked if I could put his blanket and be with him till he sleeps. He wanted me to tell him a story and put him to sleep.

I followed him to his room. He got into his bed and I helped him pull his blanket. I slept next to him and started patting his forehead to put him to sleep. Every few moments, he would open his eyes look at me and stare at the closet. Finally, he asked if I could close the closet door. I closed the closet door and slept next to him again patting his head. He seemed a little relaxed after I had closed the closet door.

I felt I should give him some words of encouragement for him to overcome his fear. 

Me: You know, there are no monsters. It’s all only in the movies. There are no monsters and ghosts in real life.

My son opened his eyes and looked at me. I asked him to close his eyes and sleep continuing to pat his head.

Me: You remember that superhero movie we watched? Have you seen any superhero flying outside? No right? Same way. There are no ghosts or monsters or superheroes. It’s all only in the movies.

My son: Yes, I know

This was encouraging. He opened his eyes again and looked at me.

Me: You are a brave kid. Look at yourself. You are only 5 but you sleep alone. If there is really such thing as a monster, you can fight it all by yourself.

My son: Can I really do that? (Now he was excited)

Me: Sure you can. Who will protect your sister and mama and papa if a monster really comes?

My son: So I can fight like a superhero?

I nodded my head.

My son: But I don’t have a wand nor can I fly.

Me: You are brave and you don’t need a wand nor you need to fly to fight the monster.

His eyes were now wide open and there was a new found courage showing on his face. I felt proud having instilled courage and confidence in my son.

My son: Papa, are you scared to sleep alone?

Me: No I am not. I am the papa of the bravest boy. Why will I be scared?

My son: Then why do you always sleep next to mama?

I went blank.  All my thoughts of courage fell flat. I looked at his face and he was waiting for me to answer but no answer came up in my head.

My son: Or is it, you sleep next to mama because mama is scared?

I was tempted to say “Yes” (actually SHOUT Yes) but stopped myself. I did not want to lie to him. And even if I did lie now, just to answer his question he will figure it out when he asks his mama tomorrow, and she denies. I didn’t want to set a bad example to him that his papa lies.

I was in a dilemma. I was thinking what to answer.

My son: Papa; is mama scared? Is that why she sleeps next to you?

Me: Ah.. Err… (I had no answer. I had to change the topic and FAST)

Me: Sleep now please. It is late. You want to come walking with me tomorrow evening right? You have to sleep now, else you will be all tired and you will not be able to walk.

I was pretty much silent from that point on. No more encouraging thoughts or words popped in my head. I continued patting him until he fell asleep. Knowing him, I am sure he will ask me this same question tomorrow or some other time until he gets an answer.

I had walked into my sons’ room to allay his worries and fill him with confidence. I walked out of his room a worried man.

~Narendra V Joshi

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A Privilege to cherish and protect

The earth was polluted and the future looked bleak;

The humans yet trotted, with an unwavering streak.

Governments and leaders searched for answers in vain;

To get the earth back on to its righteous lane.

The lock down opened up to an unproven trail;

For nature to seize and chaperon on its rail.

The earth was momentarily rid of its pollutant wrath;

But questions endured of its viable path. 

Viable or not, the lock down demands a retrospect;

For this is our chance to mend and protect.

The Earth is a privilege and not a birthright;

And it’s our duty to respect and nurture it right.

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I read an article which talked about how the lock-downs in major cities across the globe to prevent the spread of COVID-19 virus, is actually helping bring down the pollution levels. This certainly is a good side effect but maybe only temporary; until restrictions are lifted and things get back to normal. I think we should learn from this crisis to mend and develop ways to protect the nature. We need to understand that earth is not our birthright but a privilege granted to us. 


~Narendra V Joshi

Parenting under surveillance

I was teaching math addition to my 4 year old the other day. I gave him 2 cookies and asked –

Me – "I had given you 1 cookie yesterday and I gave you 2 cookies today. How many cookies do you have?"

My son – 2 cookies.

Then I tried the same using pencils. I gave him 1 pencil and then gave 2 more. He counted 3. I tried it with crayons and he counted 3. Then I got back to my question on cookies.

Me – I gave you 1 cookie yesterday and 2 today. How many do you have?

My son – 2 cookies.

I put up 3 fingers saying each finger is a cookie and asked him to count. He counted 3 and said “But I have only 2 cookies papa”. I asked him how. He said – “I already eat the cookie you gave me yesterday”. He paused for a few mins and added “remember you said think”.

I was trying to teach him math and he thought me logic.

I was speechless but have now learnt to expect such answers from my kids. They sometimes amaze me into thinking how do they even come up with some of the answers they give or some of the questions they ask.

I had to drop my daughter for a class this morning and my son too accompanied us in the car. While coming back home, my son sat in the rear car seat diagonally opposite to me. He had got his steering wheel toy with him which is a steering wheel and a gear shift that makes different sounds when moved. My son was watching me drive and was steering his toy wheel in the same way as I was doing. He said “papa, I want to drive a car like you when I grow up”. I was almost about to tell him that maybe there will be no cars with a steering wheel by the time he grows up, but stopped myself.

It then occurred to me. Maybe my kids are not learning much by listening to me. Maybe my kids are learning more by watching me; Or rather by observing me. As I thought about this I realized they have been giving me subtle hints all these years but I never realized this until now. Every time they said “I want to be like you when I grow up”, “I want to work on computer like papa”, “I want to drive a car like papa”, … this is what they were doing. They have been observing me and learning from me. I am their role model.

The very thought that my kids may be feeding off of my actions and inculcating them makes me shudder. This is like I am under constant observation; a whole new kind of surveillance. A surveillance where my kids are silently watching me, making sense of my actions and absorbing it to tune their life. It brings in a whole new sense of responsibility in me. I need to ensure I am always putting the best of me in front of my kids.

As I think about this more, I feel maybe this is not bad after all. They may be helping me in way. If I go through this surveillance putting out the best of me now, I don’t have to do a surveillance on my kids when they come of age. I can be assured that what my kids will do is what I would have done in the same situation.

~Narendra V Joshi

A constricted mind

My son came back home from his preschool the other day and asked me “Papa, what do you want to be when you grow up?” I was almost about to say something but stopped. I sat back and repeated his question to myself – What do I want to be when I grow up? This was the first time in over 20 years someone had asked me this question. I did not want to just say anything. I really wanted to think and answer his question.

So what do I want to be when I grow up? I remember when I was a kid I wanted to join the navy. I have always liked sitting at the beach and listen to the sound of the waves. As a kid the very thought that if I was in Navy, I can be on a ship sailing on the seas excited me. But can I join the navy when I grow up, I questioned myself. Maybe the navy will have age, height, weight etc restrictions. Maybe Navy may not be a choice for me anymore. Can I become a musician? I like music. I have interest in learning to play musical instruments. But playing musical instruments requires lot of practice. I will be a failure if I choose the path of a musician. Maybe I can be a doctor. I can travel to remote areas and help people. I can be of some use to the people around me. But doctors have to study a lot. I have to get back to school and learn for the next several years before I can become a doctor. This might not be something for me.

I was thinking about what I can become when I grow up for several moments. I thought of every dream I had as I grew and scratched everything off for different reasons. Doctor, chartered accountant, musician, pilot, I had reasons why I cannot grow up to be anyone from any of those dreams.

My son shook me slightly and asked again – “Papa, what do you want to be when you grow up?”

There has to be something I can be when I grow up. I gave a deep thought and finally said “Teacher, I want to be a teacher when I grow up”, which brought a big smile on my sons face. I was happy there was something I can be when I grow up.

My son turned to leave and I asked him what he wanted to be when he grows up. He answered my question almost immediately. He said he wanted to be a doctor when he is as big as his sister, build roller coasters when he is as big as his cousin brother, a firefighter when he is as big as his mother, work on computer when he is as big as me, a dentist when is as big as his grandmother and a superhero with a large cape when is as big as his grandfather.

His answer dumbfounded me. What did just happen? My preschool son has so much clarity and ideas on what he wants to be when he grows up. While all my education and my degrees had only helped me to come up with reasons why I cannot become something when I grow up. Is this what education is supposed to do? The human mind is boundless and of immense possibilities. Education is supposed to be the tool which gives sense and broadens those possibilities. Unfortunately I was using my education to only bind my mind and constrict its possibilities.

I sat back to think. I decided I have to reconsider what I wanted to be when I grow up. But before that, maybe first I should empty my mind and get it back to its original state of immense possibilities. Then I should think what I want to be when I grow up. 

~Narendra V Joshi

Searching for peace at the top of the pyramid

We had been to a zoo the other day. We had reached there early as the zoo is big and takes a full day for family with kids to go around completely. The place was crowed but the kids were excited looking at the animals as we went around the zoo. It was close to the feeding time for the apes by the time we reached the part which has enclosures for chimps, gorillas, monkeys etc. There are benches to sit and watch as the animals are fed by the zoo keepers. I sat down to watch on one of the bench. It was like a few minutes when the gentleman next to me started a conversation. We spoke about how the animals behave when they see the food, how they eat, how the keepers handle them. One part of our conversation went like this -

Gentleman – It seems as if these animals know the time when to expect the food. Look at how they react when they see the keepers. You see those chimps there? Looks like they are now full.

Me – Some of them already seem to be sleeping.

Gentleman – yeah. It’s nice to see all these animals at the zoo; especially once they are fed. Once they are full they relax and laze. It feels so calm and peaceful to see them.

Me – True. It feels so peaceful here.

We spoke for some time but this part of the conversation did not leave me. I kept thinking about it even long after we had left that area. Something was bothering me. The question then occurred to me - “What is wrong with me?”.

We humans are supposed to be the most intelligent species on earth and represent the pinnacle of evolution. But when it comes to be being peaceful, none of this intelligence helps and we have to look at a bunch of monkeys to relax and be at peace? Maybe these monkeys know something that we intelligent humans don’t. Agreed, these animals are in cages and unfortunately have to spend a restricted life. But they get food on time without any effort and they seem to be at peace with this arrangement. And more so what is it that we humans are achieving been outside the cage? We worry about something or the other all the time - taxes, mortgages, children’s education, traffic, you name it. We also worry about things that have not even happened – stock market predictions, retirement money, health insurance for illness we don’t have.

The fundamental truth of our worries is that none of our worries are about alien invasion from outer space or a comet on a collision path with earth or such things as they show in movies. All of our worries have everything to do with the thoughts and actions of other humans. So all through our lives we worry about things that are based on actions and reactions of fellow humans.

Looks like somewhere during our evolution from apes, we exchanged peace for intelligence. Then we used our intelligence to cage monkeys and donkeys and feed them so that they don’t have to worry about food. Now we are using the same intelligence to achieve calm and peace by looking at those monkeys and donkeys as they laze around on full stomach.

I am still wondering; who is more intelligent - The ones inside the cage or the ones outside? 

~Narendra V Joshi

The inevitable changes in the journey of life

I was on this flight to back home the other day, deeply engrossed in the in-flight entertainment TV show when my co-passenger tapped on my TV screen. I pushed back my headphone to look at him and he pointed me to the flight attendant. The flight attendant was trying to get my attention to check if I wanted food. I took the food, politely apologized to both the attendant and the co-passenger, stopped the TV and settled down to eat. “You like that show?” my co-passenger asked me with a slight questionable smile. I nodded my head but did not understand why he was smiling. “Your kids traveling with you?” he asked again, and I said no. We did not speak after that but I was surprised how he knew I had kids. It then occurred to me. The moment the in-flight entertainment had started, I had gone to the kids section, searched for a cartoon and had settled down for a princess cartoon which my daughter watches. The funny part was that my kids were not even with me on that flight J. 

I got down at the airport, and my connecting flight was after an hour. I sat in the waiting area still thinking about that incident on the flight. I think every event in life brings about a change in us, however subtle. We change after high school, after college, after marriage, after kids, when we start a job; and it goes on. Probably the biggest change is after marriage and after kids. When you have kids you know what your kids want and adjust your life to suit the kids. Your vacation list now has only kid approved places and the vacation days are only around the kids’ school holidays. You no more go to a movie or watch a TV show which is not appropriate for the kids. Maybe that co-passenger had kids and that is how he knew I had kids.

Outside of these big changes I think we also go through temporary transformations every day as we step into work. In my case I think I become a little more patient, little more attentive, little more careful, the moment I step into office. It’s not just the different work wear, the funny part is even our language changes. We are no more just at work or in meetings. We are now in “stand up” meetings, preparing “decks”, working for weekend ‘deliverables” and focusing on “production installs” J 

I glanced at my watch and still had over 30 mins for my next flight. I walked to a coffee shop to get coffee. I took the coffee and went to get sugar and cream. I was at the sugar and cream table when another gentlemen came and stood next to me. He too had coffee in his hand and had come to get sugar and cream. I usually take about 5 to 6 sachets of sugar for 12oz of coffee. I would take sachet after sachet never thinking twice while I was in college, but getting into work has changed it all. I had to put through surprise stairs and questions from people in office for consuming so much sugar. I am now a little more discreet while adding those extra sugar sachets trying not to attract too much attention. So I took 2 sachets and stirred my coffee waiting for the gentleman to leave. The guy too took 2 sachets and kept stirring his coffee. It was more than like a few seconds but the guy did not move. After probably a minute of stirring the coffee I gave up and decided to go for 4 more sachets and ignore if the guy comments. To my utter surprise, the guy too took 4-5 more sachets of sugar and looked at me. We both realized we were waiting for each other to move, to add more sugar. We greeted each other and he told me how he too gets strange looks from people when he adds those extra sachets of sugar. We bid goodbye to each other and I walked back to my flight gate with an added sense of assurance. 

So it’s not just me. Everyone who goes through the regular life events also goes through some inevitable changes. One change might be to accommodate something new while another change might be to accommodate something different. Bottom line, I think it’s these changes that defines where we stand in this journey of life.

~Narendra V Joshi