Only the memories

 To my father... 

I have come to accept, the fact you are gone.
Yet your presence in my heart, stays warm and strong.
In the stillness of my mind, when I feel you near;
I close my eyes and wipe a tear.

I see your smile, I hear your voice,

And those little moments make my heart rejoice.
Though you're no longer with me in sight,
Your memory shines in me, like a beacon in the night.

 I know you're watching from above,

And sending me your endless love.
With me every moment with me every day,
Deep in my heart, you'll always stay.

~Narendra V Joshi

Where I think we should go from here

I was at a transit airport waiting for my connecting flight the other day. I could see the airport tarmac from the waiting area. The waiting area was crowded as it was almost time to board. The incoming flight had arrived and was waiting on the tarmac to come to our gate. There was something going on at our designated gate and so they had stopped the incoming flight from arriving at the gate. The flight was on the tarmac waiting for an open gate for almost like 15-20 mins.

I noticed the gentleman seated next to me staring at his watch often, and shake his head in despise. He would utter something beneath his breath and clearly looked irritated.

He turned to me pointing to the airplane outside the window and asked, “Do you know how much fuel a plane consumes just standing there on the tarmac?”. I knew it must be something big but had no idea and so shook my head for a ‘No’.  I thought he will say some gallons/minute but all he said was “it’s a loooot of fuel”. “It’s just a waste, you know”. I nodded my head for a ‘Yes’. It was indeed a lot of fuel waste for a large plane to sit and wait.

He continued. “We humans don’t deserve this planet”. “We cut trees, burn fossil fuels and are destroying our environment”. “Animals are going extinct at an astonishing rate”. I joined in and we spoke about how the environment is getting affected. At one point he said “the best thing for this planet is to have all humans go back to forests and live like how stone age people lived. Only then earth has a chance to survive”.

I knew I did not agree with that sentence but before I could say anything there was a gate change announcement. We stopped our conversation right there and we both walked separate ways to the new gate. I did not see him after that.

I came back home that night with his words still baking at the back of my mind.

Should humans go back to living in forests and caves to protect the earth?

Before we answer this question, we must first look at the conditions in which the cave men lived thousands of years back. Cave men lived in caves; in forests; midst nature. Yes, it feels good and maybe even inviting to see those beautiful pictures and videos of nature and animals on TV. The reality however is far from it. Those colorful birds in the videos are not singing a duet. They are on a hunt to tear open an insect and eat it while the insect is still struggling. That insect was not waiting for the bird but rather searching for a worm to bite in into pieces or swallow the worm whole. Nothing out there is rosy. There is a big game of survival being played all the time and this applied to the cave men too. Living in forests and caves is not an easy thing. There is no coffee when you wake up in the morning, no hot biriyani for lunch nor that plush mattress and pillow to sleep on in the night. There are no doctors on call nor police to protect you. The cave men lived in constant fear of wild animals, struggled under weather, died due to diseases as they did not have a cure. Life was tough for humans back then. It was for this reason cave men got together and formed civilizations. They realized different people in the group could create/build/grow different things and sharing helped everyone. This idea helped formed villages and cities and countries we now live in.

So, do we need to leave all this advancement and go back to living in caves? I don’t think so.

If not, then what about that gentleman’s words? If we do not want to go back to living in caves, then how can we protect our earth?

I think the answer to this question lies in understanding where we live and how we can make where we live a better place. We have become so dependent on fossil fuels and plastic; I don’t think we can suddenly stop using them completely. Maybe we should start by making small changes in our daily life. Let’s buy things only when we really need; not because there is a discount. Let’s eat only when we are hungry, and more importantly let’s finish the food on the plate every time and not throw anything. If we can avoid driving and walk instead, let’s try doing that. A quick read about recycling tells a completely different story of what is happening to the products we toss into a recycle bin. Very little, if not negligible, is getting recycled. What we put into recycling too is ending up in landfills. So, see if you can reuse, but the best is to avoid buying in the first place.

I think where we need to go from here is not back to forests and caves. Rather, where we need to go from here is doing our part a little bit; consciously; habitually, to make this earth we live in, a better place.

~Narendra V Joshi

Conflicts in the mind

The houses and trees were covered by a blanket of snow.
The ice beads in the sun made for a glittering show.
Inches of snow had covered everything in sight;
Except for the sky and the sun shining bright.
 
The blanket shrunk as the sun came up.
Draining the sleet from like a broken cup.
The awe and wonder were all but gone;
Laid bare a pickled and a battered lawn.
 
The sun and snow mimic conflicts in the mind
The snow alike the ego and of the malice kind.
Knowledge and humility can erase a burgeoning pride;
Just like the sun shrinking blankets on its ride.

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We had almost 5 inches of snow yesterday. It was a beautiful sight this morning with everything covered by a blanket of snow. The snow started to melt by the afternoon. I drew parallels between how the rising sun melted the snow, to how humility and humbleness in mind can melt ego and pride.    

~Narendra V Joshi

Addition of patience

My younger one is in the virtual school this year. For his classes he sits in the living room where my wife can keep an eye and help him if he needs something. We time our lunch during his afternoon school break so that the family can have lunch together. Today however I was occupied at work and by the time I went to eat, the break was over, and my son’s school had already started. I could hear my son’s teacher as they went on with their regular school schedule.

Having seen my elder one through those years and now seeing my younger one every day, I know teaching small kids is not easy. If you are lucky, they will sit and listen to everything you say. If you are not, they can ask complicated questions or relate something you are saying to something unrelated and take the conversation in a tangential direction. A classroom full of kids can be a different story altogether.

This is how some parts of the class conversation went –

(The teacher was teaching math addition and was explaining how numbers can be added to each other to get a bigger number)

Student 1: Teacher, I want to tell you something.

Teacher: Yes, sweetie; what is it?

Student 1: The grass in our lawn has been growing taller and taller. They are adding up like these numbers.

Teacher: Yes, that happens sweetie. Did you have any question on what we discussed?

 

Another kid raised his hand to catch the attention of the teacher.

Teacher: Yes Student 2. Do you need something honey?

Student 2: Teacher, I want to use the rest room.

Teacher: Sure honey, but please be quick. I don’t want you to miss the lesson

Student 2: But I am not going to pee. I am going for something else.

Teacher: ok, but please try to be quick.

Student 2: I cannot be quick. I will need some time.

Teacher: Sure honey…

 

Every now and then one of the kids would say something unrelated to the math class and the teacher had to sweet talk the kids focus back to the class. I wondered what I would have done if I was a kindergarten/elementary school teacher. Would I have run away the first day?

As I thought, I felt, maybe most of us are like that schoolteacher in some way. We too face incomprehensible questions and ridiculous requirements from our team members, managers and customers at work. Yet we always answer with courtesy and treat work situations with upmost dignity. 

As my thoughts flowed, it suddenly struck me; I realized there was a problem. We treat random people at work, on streets, in restaurants, in movie halls; whom we may never even see in our life again, with courtesy and patience; but forget to apply that same courtesy and patience to our own family members without whom there is little meaning to our lives. We often seem to take our family for granted. We patiently spend hours repeating the same answer to our customers and office colleagues but snap the minute a family member repeats the question.

It took a while for me to finish the last few spoons. I was shaken, but I knew it was time for me to learn from this addition lesson and add a few things to my life. I have to put an effort to bring all that courtesy and patience I use in my work life, to home. The methodology is all there, and time tested. If my kids ask the same question repeatedly, I need to answer them as how I would answer an office colleague or a customer who is asking the same question repeatedly. Such an easy thing; yet it needed me to listen through an elementary math class to put it together.

~Narendra V Joshi

A Teacher I Never Knew

 
It has been a year since the virus first struck;
Grasping its victims within its viscous muck.
Hope now has rekindled, yet the journey is hard;
For the pandemic has left us permanently scarred.
 
Glimmers of light amidst the scars have shown;
The virus is a teacher the world had never known.
Blossoming simplicity and kindness in the people’s hearts.
Bringing families together by fits and starts.
 
It was never for the virus to help humans from falling as a divided kind.
For it was our ego that has clouded our intelligent mind.
Yet as we stand holding onto to an unlikely helping hand;
It’s ours alone to act as per the righteous demand.

 

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The announcement of vaccine raises hope about end of the Covid pandemic. Midst the havoc the Covid virus has brought, I think the lockdowns in a way has helped bring out the best in us. The virus has brought out kindness and shown us the path to a simple living. Above all, the virus has helped connect families and communities, and has thought us to share and care for each other. In some sense, the virus turned out to be a teacher I never knew.

 

~Narendra V Joshi

The Experience of Life

I would look up at the heavens to bless me with a life;
Laden with none of exhilaration or strife.
Filled only with stillness and serene and calm;
Resisting even an occasional qualm.

At first I liked that steady calm;

Thanking heavens for bestowing the wishes warm.
Happiness yet was nowhere to be found;
For life felt empty, in spite of calmness abound.

I no more look at the heavens to bless me a choice;

Cause the experience of life does not have a single voice.
Accept and live through every happiness and strife;
Only this can help realize the true meaning of life. 

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I used to wish for a life which is kind of still, with no major ups and down. Then I realized what I was wishing was to be a rock because there is no meaning for a still life. To experience life fully, I have to experience and live through every facet that comes with it and not restrict myself to any one phase alone.

~Narendra V Joshi

Words of encouragement

My kids watched an animation movie of a monster in the closet. After the movie, my elder one looked okay but my 5-year-old seemed a little jittery to go to his room. He came to me asked if I could put his blanket and be with him till he sleeps. He wanted me to tell him a story and put him to sleep.

I followed him to his room. He got into his bed and I helped him pull his blanket. I slept next to him and started patting his forehead to put him to sleep. Every few moments, he would open his eyes look at me and stare at the closet. Finally, he asked if I could close the closet door. I closed the closet door and slept next to him again patting his head. He seemed a little relaxed after I had closed the closet door.

I felt I should give him some words of encouragement for him to overcome his fear. 

Me: You know, there are no monsters. It’s all only in the movies. There are no monsters and ghosts in real life.

My son opened his eyes and looked at me. I asked him to close his eyes and sleep continuing to pat his head.

Me: You remember that superhero movie we watched? Have you seen any superhero flying outside? No right? Same way. There are no ghosts or monsters or superheroes. It’s all only in the movies.

My son: Yes, I know

This was encouraging. He opened his eyes again and looked at me.

Me: You are a brave kid. Look at yourself. You are only 5 but you sleep alone. If there is really such thing as a monster, you can fight it all by yourself.

My son: Can I really do that? (Now he was excited)

Me: Sure you can. Who will protect your sister and mama and papa if a monster really comes?

My son: So I can fight like a superhero?

I nodded my head.

My son: But I don’t have a wand nor can I fly.

Me: You are brave and you don’t need a wand nor you need to fly to fight the monster.

His eyes were now wide open and there was a new found courage showing on his face. I felt proud having instilled courage and confidence in my son.

My son: Papa, are you scared to sleep alone?

Me: No I am not. I am the papa of the bravest boy. Why will I be scared?

My son: Then why do you always sleep next to mama?

I went blank.  All my thoughts of courage fell flat. I looked at his face and he was waiting for me to answer but no answer came up in my head.

My son: Or is it, you sleep next to mama because mama is scared?

I was tempted to say “Yes” (actually SHOUT Yes) but stopped myself. I did not want to lie to him. And even if I did lie now, just to answer his question he will figure it out when he asks his mama tomorrow, and she denies. I didn’t want to set a bad example to him that his papa lies.

I was in a dilemma. I was thinking what to answer.

My son: Papa; is mama scared? Is that why she sleeps next to you?

Me: Ah.. Err… (I had no answer. I had to change the topic and FAST)

Me: Sleep now please. It is late. You want to come walking with me tomorrow evening right? You have to sleep now, else you will be all tired and you will not be able to walk.

I was pretty much silent from that point on. No more encouraging thoughts or words popped in my head. I continued patting him until he fell asleep. Knowing him, I am sure he will ask me this same question tomorrow or some other time until he gets an answer.

I had walked into my sons’ room to allay his worries and fill him with confidence. I walked out of his room a worried man.

~Narendra V Joshi

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